gelbes_gilatier (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gelbes_gilatier) wrote2009-10-13 11:55 pm
gelbes_gilatier) wrote2009-10-13 11:55 pm
Entry tags:
Even MORE daily useless rambling
Yep, it's a collection of daily meaningless rambling...
- 11:00 Dear body of mine! Please stop being such an ass. I KNOW you're completely healthy so stop pretending you're not. Thank you very much. #
- 11:39 Huzzah! Can go to Berlin 2morrow for the next roughly 3 weeks b/c all paperwork is done! Becoming unemployed is such a pain in the ass :P #
- 11:56 RT @Sajina RT: @dottedMelon: Stargate SG-1 meets German politics: Merkel "played" by @amandatapping was never so sexy bit.ly/I4QTi #
- 12:01 Oh God, can't stop laughing at NDR version of coalition talks between liberals and conservatives. #Stargate and German politics mash-up... #
- 12:54 Note to self: Not only learn 2 cook, also learn 2 keep your kitchen clean while cooking. Otherwise it'll end up looking like a battlefield. #
- 13:07 Confession of the day: I like Marit Larsen's "If A Song Could Get Me You" and I could listen to it non-stop. So there. #
- 13:32 Alright, off to the doctor's. Yes, that's right, you're getting rid of me for the remainder of the afternoon. Und alle so: Yeaaah. #
- 23:26 Eh, ppl, do me a favor? Cheer my plot bunnies on? Dec. 13th is my personal deadline 4 finishing #Fanfic100 & I still have 17 stories 2 go. #
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I should have said before during my offline period but I am SO sorry you aren't feeling well. It sounds terrible and I hope you bounce back soon. How are things going? Have they figured out what it is? My cousin has fibromyalgia and it seems to keep her from doing anything. I hope that's now been ruled out.
I also should have responded to your bravely honest posts on your life issues. I'm also proud of you for figuring out what you really want and changing your life to get it. I know from experience how hard that is, particularly when friends and family is very invested in keeping things the way they are, even though pretending to be someone you're not makes you desperately unhappy.
Life is way too short to waste it being someone you're not just to make everyone else's lives easier. I get angry about how much I missed out on so I try not to think about how I wasted ages thirteen to eighteen and from when I was twenty-two to twenty-four and a half.
That said, it's really hard, painful, terrifying and confusing to do. I'm not done getting where I want to be and should have been if I hadn't chickened out and let others push me into playing a part. Still, I can't wait to get there. The process of achieving it has been incredibly fulfilling, educational and amazing. I'm so proud of myself for what I've achieved. That helps me forgive myself for the little lapses back into bad habits along the way. Even if I'm not yet the person I want to be, I'm so much better than who I was even six months ago.
So what's happening?
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Thank you :) I am but I have this thing with wanting to finish what I started or I won't be satisfied. So I'll be proud when I'm finally done (and then I can go and start working on the next claim I requested... eh, or maybe the "Protect and Survive" stories that are still lying around on my harddrive... or the "Minor Characters" story with the barbecue Lorne's team still owes SG10...).
Have they figured out what it is?
Mostly, yes. The doc said it's not fibromyalgia (about which I'm really relieved since it did not sound nice). Basically, everything they found was iron defiency which they are treating right now and probably a hormonal dysbalance which still needs to be checked. As for the psychological diagnosis... it's not exactly a depression but something that's called a somatic disorder which basically means that every time I'm mentally or emotionally distressed over longer periods of time, my body reacts with physically inexplainable pain (actually, I knew that before... I just didn't know there was a name for it). Obviously, therapy can help with that so I'll try it.
I'm so proud of myself for what I've achieved.
And you can definitely be proud. I always find it amazing what you manage to juggle and how you can keep up with all of that. Honestly, you're a role model and I'm pretty sure you'll get exactly where you want to be.
As for me... I'm in a process of trying to find out what exactly is the right thing for me. At least I'm getting slowly back on my feet and learn to realize that I'm not the screw up I liked myself to think of for some parts of the last four years and get back some of my self-esteem but I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed by the number of options I suddenly seem to have (while, at the same time, the danger of falling really hard seems to have increased infinitely...). One major thing - making a try at reenlisting in the Army - has been put away until I have completed therapy (I estimate that to take about a year) but that still means I have to find out what I want now :P That doesn't make looking for a job any easier ;) I'll try to write a longer posting about the last week in hospital and my near future in the course of the week, I think.
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Alas, there's always next year ;)
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