FanFic100: #071 Broken
Nov. 3rd, 2009 01:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gelbes_gilatierFandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: Cadman/Lorne
Prompt: #071 Broken
Word Count: 2.782
Rating: K+ (with a severe language warning, though... seriously, I mean it)
Summary: Cameron Mitchell thought he'd never see anyone from the SGC ever again... and then came Laura Cadman.
Author's Notes: Anyone remember my "Road Not Taken"-pieces (if not: they were - in correct reading order - "I will stay", "Don't make fuss", "All I can do", "Recovering", "Just forget the world" and "I broke all the rules")? I did say "I broke all the rules" was only temporary closure. This one here takes place maybe a couple of days or weeks after that story. It posed a challenge for me since it's is the first - and probably only - piece I ever did from Cam's point of view and to be honest the only SG1-ep with Cam I ever watched was "The Road Not Taken" so I sincerly hope my AU!Cam-voice is believable and in character. After this there's still one RNT-piece among Fanfic100 missing. However, I have taken a kind of liking to this series (no, really? Coulda fooled me...) and I'm thinking of continuing it for a bit when Fanfic100 is done, just like the Twiniverse (because, for me, there are still too many loose ends that are begging me to tie them up, in both 'verses). Anyone interested?
Anyway, concerning the story: Since the lyrics are in German, I have, as always in this case, included a translation done by myself at the end of the story. I do hope I could do the original lyrics justice :sighs: And of course: Thanks to
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mackenziesmomma for still being my beta, despite all the rabid bunnies and me being a very naughty author and all my attempts at killing... well, you know who, mac, with Lorne/Cadman ;) (yes, that was necessary... you need to let go of... you know what I mean :P).And here's the LDT.
Tore you up
“Was hat dich so zerrissen?
Was hat dich so verletzt?
Was hat dich und dein Leben und dein Herz so zerfetzt?”
She’s vaguely familiar, he knows that much. He knows that red hair and those hazel eyes from somewhere… but he really can’t put a finger on where he knows this woman from. Something in the back of his mind gives him a kick in the ass, frowning and whispering, “That’s what you get for boozing and indulging in your anti-depressants, you ninny.” But he’s become so very adept at ignoring this voice that sounds like one of his instructors that he only needs to endure it for about a fraction of a second.
However, there’s still this woman in front of his door that he needs to get rid of. Why did he open that damn door anyway? “What do you want?”
She clears her throat and for a moment he can see that she’s not sure how to react but then it seems like there’s a jolt going through her and suddenly she stands with her back just a little straighter, her chin just a little higher, her whole bearing just a little more poised and a picture flashes through his mind. Almost two years ago, a briefing at that dredged Mountain, a female Marine standing at attention… “Talk to you. Sir.”
He’s almost tempted to give her a humorless laugh. It’s been ages since anyone called him “sir”… so long ago, in fact, that he doesn’t even remember when the last time was. Still she did it and maybe that’s what makes him hesitate to slam the door back in her face. Instead he replies, sounding as weary as he feels already, “No kidding, huh? Any special reason or topic, maybe? Or are you just here for a nice chit-chat over coffee?”
Unfortunately, she isn't put off much by his gruff behavior and even lets something of a smile show through. “Exactly, sir.”
Damn, if he only knew that woman’s name. Obviously she knows his name and it makes him feel more than just uncomfortable that he has no idea who she is. He has seen her before and more than once, he’s sure about that. He gives her another once over, racking his brains… and she suddenly blushes. “Oh, uh, sorry, maybe should I introduce myself to you first. I’m Lieutenant Laura Cadman, sir. From the SGC.”
Laura Cadman. Suddenly a bell rings faintly in the back of his mind. Ah, yeah, one of the ‘Gate security teams, got herself into a spectacular scrape involving C4 and someone’s locker, in her first week at the Mountain… yeah, he remembers her now. That doesn’t explain, though, what the hell she’s doing at his doorstep. And what really irritates him is that by now she has gotten him interested enough that simply slamming the door into her face is not an option anymore.
Still determined to be as rude as he can, he lights the cigarette he was about to smoke and snaps, “And you’re here on a mission to recruit me back or what?”
Now she rolls her eyes and he starts to remember that the first and foremost thing Cadman had been known for was her volatile temper. He’d even gotten a glimpse of that once… but he’s past being afraid of a woman’s temper, of anyone’s temper. Right? “Actually, I came here to apologize. But seeing as you’re not in the mood for visitors and would rather continue feeling sorry for yourself…”
No way she’s gonna go accuse him of feeling sorry for himself… even if that is what he’s mostly doing nowadays. “Oh no, you’re gonna stay here. What’s this whole apologizing business about, huh?”
She raises her eyebrow and he has the distinct feeling she has him exactly where she wanted him. “Look who’s interested all of sudden. And look who forgot all about his manners.” He shoots her a look that’s part questioning and part annoyed. “I ain’t gonna apologize to you on your doorstep, sir.”
Ah, so that’s the deal. He lets her in and she tells him why she came to bother him. Oh well, it’s not like he’s got any pressing appointments to keep, anyway. Grudgingly, he wheels away from the door and makes a grand gesture. “Welcome to my humble abode, Lieutenant.”
For a very short moment, he can see her hesitating – getting cold feet now, Lieutenant? – but then she brushes past him into his apartment and… something like shame stirs deep in his mind when he follows her with his eyes and sees a vibrant young woman standing amid his den of apathy, depression and self-pity.
Cadman, however, simply plops down on his couch and was he mistaken or did he see some sort of tiredness and relief cross her face for a minute? Maneuvering over to her with his cigarette in the corner of his mouth he more or less growls, “Well?”
She rubs her neck and then a hand over her face and it seems like her courage is threatening to leave her again but then she clears her throat and seems to have gotten her act together. “I, uh… I don’t know if you remember me but I was at the SGC at the time they threw you out of the program because you wouldn’t keep quiet anymore about what was happening… well…”
“You mean because I wasn’t their good little tin soldier anymore?” Dammit. He hadn't meant to sound so bitter about it. Instead it should have sounded casual.
However, Cadman just nods. “Yes, sir.” And could she just stop calling him “sir”? All it does is remind him of what he lost because he wasn’t able to keep his trap shut and keep his damn sense of decency under wraps. “Anyway, uh… I just wanted to tell you that… I thought you were right about speaking up against declaring martial law and using the SGC’s power to hurt and kill civilians. I’m… I’m sorry for never having the heart to openly agree with you or at least tell you that you weren’t all alone in that at the SGC.”
Huh. Wow. That… was something he totally hadn't had on his radar. It’s been ages since all of that had happened and also since the last SGC-member visited him. And even then it had been a member of an alternative SGC, a Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter, somehow stranded in their reality. He swallows and takes a deep draw from his cigarette. For a moment he considers simply throwing her out, just for ripping open all those old wounds and fueling his righteous anger just when he had thought he’d finally come to terms with the fact that it was all stupidity on his part, not the SGC’s.
But then he looks at her again and realizes what a big amount of courage it must have cost her to seek him out – somehow he has the feeling that it’s still not a thing the SGC leaders approve of even if democracy is well on its way to be fully restored again – and apologize for not standing up for him in front of her peers.
He can see that she’s genuinely ashamed of it, even if she doesn’t have to; he’d been an SGC soldier once and he doesn’t blame her for wanting to stay with it rather than expose herself and risk being thrown out, in a time when the SGC was maybe the only institution giving some sort of shelter. He takes another draw from his cigarette. “Care to tell me what made you come here today of all days?”
She bites her lip, runs her fingers through her lose hair. “They… threw out another one for not being a good little tin soldier anymore.”
Again he’s irritated at himself because despite everything that made him curious. He raises his eyebrow and just asks, “Who?”
At that, Cadman fiddles around a little with the hem of her sweater and then replies, “Evan Lorne.”
A snort of disbelief escapes him. No way that they threw out Major Evan Lorne for disobedience, insolence or insubordinance. Just no way. Not Evan Lorne, leader of SG1, above everyone and everything in manner of dutifulness and loyalty to the SGC. He shakes his head. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
Cadman leans back now, somehow looking… pleased with herself. As if she just accomplished a stage in a plan. Huh? “No, I’m not. A couple of months ago… a member of his team got injured off-world and he had to get back to the SGC without the soldier. They declared the team member KIA and wanted him to leave it alone but he basically told General Hammond to stick his orders where it’s dark and gated back to that planet to get his soldier back.” That’s is certainly not the Major Lorne he knows. That’s not quiet, goody-two-shoes Lorne who never made a false step in his life. There’d been rumors going around about him and his 2IC Major Samantha Carter but it had been pretty plain that those two clearly hadn't been anything more than friends.
“Seriously Lieutenant, who are you trying to kid? Lorne would never…”
“He did. That’s all that counts. He defied orders and he got her out alive.” Wait… her? He’d love to know who that girl was that made Lorne go all crazy… wait. The slight blush when she said Lorne’s name… the almost hidden tenderness in her voice… That team member had been her. God, he can’t believe Lorne lost his head – and most probably his career – over the Marine sitting across from him. Maybe she still thinks the same, which is why she kept omitting that little detail. He’s got enough tact left not to confront her with that… yet.
Instead he smirks at her and says, “So, what’s he doing now? Joined the ranks at the job center?”
A little sheepishly, she rubs her neck again. “Not… exactly. He’s… a Lieutenant Colonel at NORAD now.”
Yeah, sure. Of course. Promoting people is today’s SGC way of punishing them for disobeying orders. Who’s she trying to kid? With his voice dripping with sarcasm he replies, “That’s some kind of really mean punishment.”
“For him, it is.” When she says that, she’s absolutely serious, with no hint of irony or sarcasm in her voice, only… a small trace of… guilt? Dammit, he’s getting more and more interested in that whole story between her and Lorne.
He gives her short humorless laugh. “Really, huh?”
“Yes.” She looks a little weary now and he almost regrets being such an asshole about the whole thing. “He hates having to fly a desk… despite claiming the opposite.” There it is again; that strange trace of guilt in her voice. He can also see the weariness increasing and he wonders… what exactly happened on that planet and how badly she was injured.
Feeling a little ashamed of himself, he grudgingly admits, “Guess I have to take your word for it.”
“Yeah, guess you have to,” Cadman confirms. And then… her face lights up in a small mischievous smile. “But then again, there’s one good thing about it: He got the girl.”
“The girl?” he hears himself asking, sounding – and feeling – just a little bit like an idiot.
Obviously, she thought about the same but she doesn’t comment on it, simply says, “Yeah.
Surprisingly, there’s a piercing stab at his heart and finally all the old bitterness is threatening to overwhelm him again. He knows she’s not the one to be angry at but he still can’t help sounding very acerbic when he replies, “Yeah, that is some really evil punishment.”
In her eyes, there’s this spark of temper again and she snaps almost hotly, “Watch it, Mitchell.”
Ah, so the “sir” is finally gone. But so is his patience. He certainly had not wanted to hear about someone getting promoted for breaking the UCMJ and so he snaps back just as agitated, “What? You really want me to feel sorry for Lieutenant Colonel Lorne who got a nice cozy spot at NORAD and a spunky little Lieutenant and a cherry on top for defying orders?”
For a moment it looks like she’ll go off on him like a grenade – which would be somehow ironic, seeing as he now remembers that her specialty were explosives – but after flexing her hands once or twice she seems to be able to rein in most of her temper. “No. I want you to stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and get up – in a… manner of speaking, I mean – and fight for what you deserve.”
He’s just this short of an unnerved groan. Does she really think she can accomplish what Colonel Carter failed to accomplish? “Just to remind you: Fighting against the SGC was what got me here in the first place.”
She flexes her hands again and he can see her impatience increasing now. “Yeah, but things have changed. And they haven’t forgotten about you at the SGC… they just feel ashamed for what they did to you. So dammit, give them hell for it like Evan gave them hell for deciding to let me die out there.”
At the mentioning of Lorne… he can just shake his head and respond wearily, “I’m not Evan Lorne, Cadman.”
Cadman shakes her head as well. “No, you’re not.” Then she takes a deep breath and adds, “You’re Cameron Mitchell and you’re a goddamn hero in your own right and you could be out of that fucking wheelchair and up in a 302 again, if you just had the guts to make a stand for it.”
What the hell? She’s a goddamn Lieutenant and a Marine at that and she dares telling him – a Major and an air combat veteran who fucking gave everything for his country and his planet – what to do? “Hey, listen, no one dares calling me a coward.”
She narrows her eyes at him and it occurs to him that he might have gone too far now. Her voice is deathly calm when she replies with, “I just did because you fucking behave like one,” and he has the feeling that this is just the calm before the storm. How the hell could she get to him so fast, faster and better than Carter?
“Now you watch it!” Instead of being properly shocked and ashamed… Cadman just gives him a smug half grin and folds her arms in front of her chest.
“If you show me you aren’t.” Dammit, this woman drives him insane. How the hell could she turn Lorne’s head so much he defied orders for her and risked a dishonorable discharge? How the hell could Lorne of all people fall for this… spitfire, this wildcat?
Anyway, this is just too much for today and she rattled too much of his comfortable apathy already. She’s gotta go. Now. “No sister, that’s not gonna work. I tried going up against the forces of evil before and look where it got me. I’ll not even look at that fucking Mountain again. And you’d do best if you’d go now.”
There’s… silence for a moment and all she does is look at him, thoughtful. Then she gets up and says, “Yeah, probably,” and walks over to the door to open it. But just when he thinks she’ll finally leave, she turns around again, smirking at him. “Just don’t think this is the last that you see of me.”
Furious at her for disrupting his dull but cozy daily routine and actually making him angry enough to really considers going up against the SGC, if only for a moment, he scowls. “Oh, I think it is. Get lost, Cadman.”
She smirks again. “We’ll see about that.”
With that, she’s out of his door and he feels relieved and kind of smug when she leaves… unfortunately only for a few moments because he starts to get the feeling Laura Cadman isn't one to let go of something easily. Something tells him that… she wouldn’t be Lorne’s girlfriend now if she did. He’s not quite sure if he should be annoyed by the prospect of just having let someone like her into his life, as unwillingly as it had happened, or look forward to the next time of seeing her – which, as he just realized, is almost inevitable – and that thought… actually frightens him to no end.
~*~
“What tore you up like this?
What hurt you like this?
What tore you and your life and your heart to shreds like this?”
Juli, “Torn”
