On friends.
Mar. 20th, 2010 08:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gelbes_gilatierFollowing a discussion with my Canadian language date (basically, we meet each other to talk in foreign languages - in this case English, French and German - to get some practice... we call it Sprachtandem which sounds a lot more bureaucratic and a lot less... misleading ;)), I thought it's probably about time I write another On... Germans posting, this time on the definitions of interpersonal relationships.
The other parts are:
On walls.
On soldiers.
On heroes.
On elections.
Anyway... one of the things Canada guy and I talked about was that he was a little baffled that the Europeans' definitions of "friends" differed very much from those of people from North American and I had to agree with him. When an European - and German most of all - speaks of a friend, he or she usually means a person that he or she has known for a lot of time - at least a year - and is seeing and talking to quite often. For example, maybe a year and half ago I met a girl through a friend and we hit it off right from the start. We had a lot of things in common, like being tv nuts, reading the same kinds of books, sharing political opinions and so on but it took me over a year to actually call her "a friend" when talking about her to other people, even though we saw each other regularly more than once a week.
And apparently, that's not the exception but rather the rule, both with me and other Germans. Canada guy, however, told me that for people from North American countries, it's not important for how long you the person but rather how much interests you share and just basically how you get along with each other. That was a bit of news to me. I mean, I knew that the definition for "friend" is much wider in North America than in Europe or Germany respectively but I didn't know what exactly is important in that definition. Anyone of you Americans can agree with that?
Also, don't be disappointed when a German takes a lot of time to call you "a friend" because it's not meant in a bad way. It's just that it takes us very long to change "an acquaintance" to "a friend". "Acquaintance" (Bekannter/Bekannte in German) has a very different meaning in German than in English. I got told that an acquaintance in North America is a person you have seen and spoken to maybe once or twice in your life. In Germany, a Bekannter can be somone you've known for years (for example, the friends of my parents, whom they mostly have known since before my birth and whom they meet and talk to several times a month and sometimes even pass a vacation with are still "Bekannte meiner Eltern" ("my parents' acquaintances") for me) only you maybe don't meet him or her often or don't feel as close to them because you don't share much of their interests or something... or haven't known them for very long (i.e. less than a year or two, maybe).
If a German calls you his or her "Bekannte/r" it doesn't mean he or she can't stand you or finds you uninteresting... it just means that we define "friend" closer than North Americans do. On the other hand, if a German does call you his or her friend... it's either a very big step in your relationship... or that particular German knows about the difference in definition and just adapted to your kind of it. Best way to find out what's the case? Just ask your resident German ;) (and yes, that also applies to me ;)).
The other parts are:
On walls.
On soldiers.
On heroes.
On elections.
Anyway... one of the things Canada guy and I talked about was that he was a little baffled that the Europeans' definitions of "friends" differed very much from those of people from North American and I had to agree with him. When an European - and German most of all - speaks of a friend, he or she usually means a person that he or she has known for a lot of time - at least a year - and is seeing and talking to quite often. For example, maybe a year and half ago I met a girl through a friend and we hit it off right from the start. We had a lot of things in common, like being tv nuts, reading the same kinds of books, sharing political opinions and so on but it took me over a year to actually call her "a friend" when talking about her to other people, even though we saw each other regularly more than once a week.
And apparently, that's not the exception but rather the rule, both with me and other Germans. Canada guy, however, told me that for people from North American countries, it's not important for how long you the person but rather how much interests you share and just basically how you get along with each other. That was a bit of news to me. I mean, I knew that the definition for "friend" is much wider in North America than in Europe or Germany respectively but I didn't know what exactly is important in that definition. Anyone of you Americans can agree with that?
Also, don't be disappointed when a German takes a lot of time to call you "a friend" because it's not meant in a bad way. It's just that it takes us very long to change "an acquaintance" to "a friend". "Acquaintance" (Bekannter/Bekannte in German) has a very different meaning in German than in English. I got told that an acquaintance in North America is a person you have seen and spoken to maybe once or twice in your life. In Germany, a Bekannter can be somone you've known for years (for example, the friends of my parents, whom they mostly have known since before my birth and whom they meet and talk to several times a month and sometimes even pass a vacation with are still "Bekannte meiner Eltern" ("my parents' acquaintances") for me) only you maybe don't meet him or her often or don't feel as close to them because you don't share much of their interests or something... or haven't known them for very long (i.e. less than a year or two, maybe).
If a German calls you his or her "Bekannte/r" it doesn't mean he or she can't stand you or finds you uninteresting... it just means that we define "friend" closer than North Americans do. On the other hand, if a German does call you his or her friend... it's either a very big step in your relationship... or that particular German knows about the difference in definition and just adapted to your kind of it. Best way to find out what's the case? Just ask your resident German ;) (and yes, that also applies to me ;)).
