FanFic100: #041 Shapes
Jan. 14th, 2009 10:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gelbes_gilatierFandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: Cadman/Lorne
Prompt: 041 Shapes
Word Count: 1.259
Rating: K+
Summary: Major Lorne gets taught about the meaning of "Curiosity killed the cat." by three of his Marines.
Author's Notes: This one is
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asugar 's fault, because she keeps reccing these incredible amost crack!fics on LJ (we'll just forget that no one actually forced me to read any of them) and they obviously put me in a very silly mood. Honestly, I've known "Centerfold" for ages and nothing ever happened and then I read just a few stories and this kind of pops up out of nowhere. Oh, and mackenziesmomma already called dibs on every time I'm mean to our favorite Major, so everyone wanting to comfort him for what I did to him in this story please line up in the queue ;) And here's the LDT.Centerfold
“My blood runs cold,
My memory has just been sold
My Angel is the centerfold.”
The J. Geils Band, “Centerfold”
“Whoa, boy… I don’t think I’ve ever seen something like this.” Snickering and then guffawing. Does he really want to know what his Marines are talking about on the other side of the lockers?
“Actually, I have. In reality.” Appreciative grunts and whistles. Okay, he starts to get a fairly good idea what this is going to be about. Just one more reason to get finished fast with changing.
“No way you’ve seen Cadman doing that for real.” Wait… Cadman? Please someone tell him they are not talking about Lieutenant Laura Cadman over there. He knows those voices. Miller, Grayson and Sonderberg, all of them Sergeants. He really hopes they’re talking about someone else, because all of them are good at what they do and he’d hate to have to send them – and maybe Cadman as well – home because of… God, he really has a hard time fighting off all kinds of disturbing images.
“I’m telling you, man, I did. Sonny here did, too.” Holy… it’s just accidental that he leaned against his locker’s door. He doesn’t need it as a support, honestly. “We both did, and she was amazing.” Amazing? Think of puppies… cute, little, fluffy puppies…
“I don’t believe a word.” He wholeheartedly agrees with Miller, just for the sake of those Sergeants and Lieutenant Cadman. “Honestly, I bet you’re just making it up. No way she could… I mean… you got any proof on that?” He actually prays neither Grayson nor Sonderberg do, but to his near horror he hears the flapping of paper drifting over and then the sharp intake of breath, probably from the disbelieving Miller.
“Holy Mother of God… you took these without her even noticing? However did you do that? Way to go, guys.” Without her noticing?
“Yeah, well… got a little help from the IT department to fiddle a little around with the city’s security cameras.” What the…? But at least that lets Cadman off the hook. Unfortunately it makes the Sergeants’ predicament even graver. Spying on an officer while she’s… no, better not go there. Fellow officer, fellow officer, beautiful woman… fellow officer! And dammit, the IT department is involved as well? He so has to talk to Sheppard and Colonel Carter about this, although he dreads all the dressing downs that are going to follow. “Anyway… look at that one. Great perspective, isn't it?”
He knows he should be interrupting right now, but for some reason he feels rooted to the spot. Most probably it’s the horrification at discovering how low morale obviously has sunk at least in parts of the Marine contingent. “Whoa, those are great. Look at the size of them! And perfectly shaped. She’s really got it, that’s for sure.” Do not start to hyperventilate now, he forcibly reminds himself. You’re an officer, a career soldier and you are a mature man in your mid-thirties, not a teenage debutante. You can handle dirty minded Marines who have apparently lost every respect for at least one of their officers.
After shutting his locker’s door very carefully so as not to alarm the three men on the other side, he walks around the row of lockers. Positioning himself with his feet slightly apart and the arms crossed in front of his chest, he slightly clears his throat to announce his presence to the only half-dressed unsuspecting Marines. Immediately, they all turn around… and they don’t even have the decency to blush. He narrows his eyes, only a little. “Gentlemen, I’d recommend you to hand these pictures over right now.”
For a moment, they only look at him, almost gaping. Sonderberg is the first to recover. Looking a little confused he says, “Uh, sir, we were just looking at Lieutenant Cadman’s…”
God, he doesn’t even want to know which part of Cadman’s anatomy they were looking at. “That was an order, Sergeant.”
Sonderberg looks at Miller and Grayson who are both giving their fellow Sergeant slight shrugs and a little reluctantly, Sonderberg comes over and hands him a stack of paper. He’d intended to simply let them hand over the contraband and then immediately leave the room, but their strange behavior did get to him and so he doesn’t look at the pictures out of respect for Cadman, but simply holds them up and says, “Alright, what were you thinking? Although I seriously doubt you were thinking anything at all.”
Even more confused, they are looking at each other again. What the hell is going on here? In the end, Grayson is man enough to explain it to him. “With all due respect, sir, we were studying Lieutenant Cadman’s expert way of creating controlled explosions. We were admiring her ability to manage the biggest possible explosion with a very low amount of C4 and her very precise detonations.” He’s about to shout the Sergeants to pieces… when his brain registers what Grayson just said.
Explosions? C4? Detonations? He actually has to blink and then he slowly takes down the pictures to finally have a look at them himself. And yeah… there’s Laura Cadman with a team from the Dynamite Squad, setting up small charges on little makeshift platforms off the South Pier… completely clothed in standard Atlantis BDUs. Uh-oh. He looks at the Marines again. All three are giving him the stoic inscrutable soldier face which is a dead giveaway that they’re just waiting for him to leave the room to start roll around laughing. And they have every right to do that.
There’s really no way for him to get out of this with at least a minimum of dignity. “Of course. If either of you is interested, I could arrange a cross-training session with the explosives department.” And in return you all keep your traps shut about this little scene here, he mentally adds. The barely concealed smirks his Marines give him tell him that they understood this perfectly well.
Grayson speaks up again. “We’d be most thankful and honored, sir.” He just nods and is about to hand back the pictures to Sonderberg when he remembers that little quip about the IT department and rigging the city’s security cameras. He’s sure Colonels Sheppard and Carter will be most interested in this little piece of information.
“Very well. Carry on, Sergeants.”
The three Marines throw him a crisp salute and answer with a perfectly synchronized “Yes, sir!” Okay, get out of here, as fast as you can and as fast as it doesn’t cost you any more of your dignity.
He’s nearly made it to the door, when he suddenly hears someone clearing his throat behind him and then Miller saying, “Sir, if I may say so… I’m sure Lieutenant Cadman will appreciate to hear how concerned you are about her honor.” Resisting the urge to take a deep breath, he turns around again.
“And I will appreciate if Lieutenant Cadman doesn’t even get to hear how concerned I am about her honor. Did I make myself clear?” He knows it’s futile to try and prevent this from spreading because it’ll get around faster than the Daedalus’ FTL drive, but he can still make an effort, right?
Miller nods. “Crystal, sir.” Well then, now that they’ve gotten this clear… it’s really time to find a nice secluded place to cool down and smack his head about a thousand times for being such an idiot. Maybe… he will try the South Pier today.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-14 05:15 pm (UTC)Das war seit langem das beste Stück dieser Art, dass ich gelesen habe!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-14 06:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-20 05:03 am (UTC)Have you read the rest of miss_porcupine's stories yet?
So I love this story. He's so funny and flustered and the sergeants completely see through him. I wonder how many minutes this took to spread through Atlantis.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-20 08:14 pm (UTC)Haven't read any other stories by miss_porcupine yet... because I was afraid I might not be able to stop and I do need to find the time to do some actual work for the money I receive from my boss ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-01-20 10:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-20 10:28 pm (UTC)